Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
