i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
