so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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