I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
