Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
as a side note pls kill me
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
