You're completely useless in the revolution.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
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I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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