I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
