I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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