come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize