is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
