Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Randomize
