are you still at the devil's house?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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