new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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