I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
