im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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