Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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