Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
