if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Randomize
