I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
