my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
