The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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