note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
