I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
