you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
