The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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