I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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