24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
