After last night, I could never be a politician.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
