honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
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He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
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Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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