my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
