I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
