people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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