You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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