Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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