We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
