Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
