I just pynch a tree in the face
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
