for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
