when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
