my mouth tastes like poor choices
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
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Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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