the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
