i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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