Even water is tasting like jack daniels
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
