im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
You did what with his pubic hair?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
