Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
