He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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