Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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