i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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