Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
