ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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