Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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