I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
