I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
