I wanna bring you to show and tell
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
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