need another drink. this is the easiest way
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
If its not for food we ain't going out.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
