operation have a gay friend backfired
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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