so that wasnt chicken after all
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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