are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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